“For
you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and
wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was
made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the
earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came
to be.” Psalm 139:13-16
She
locks her eyes to mine and just holds that unbroken gaze for what feels like an
eternity. I can’t turn away from it, nor
do I choose to. I am being read;
analyzed in a very simplistic manner. I
feel that the pages of my life, revealed behind my eyes, are being
studied. I am an open book, vulnerable
to scrutiny.
What
I am referring to are the moments that I hold my baby girl in my arms and she
fixes her eyes to mine. She has a deep
look when that happens. She doesn’t look
away and hardly blinks. The connection
is established, and it is fixed.
Typically, they end with her giving me a heart-warming smile, as if she
was saying that she found what she was searching for inside me. Those are my favorite moments with her. A form of communication and connection that
needs no words or explanation. It just
is.
When
I reflect on these moments, the words that the Psalmist wrote rings loudly to
me. However, I am not relating them to
how our heavenly Father created this wonderful little girl; rather, it is how
God created me. I often wonder about how
my role as a daddy will unfold but, God already knows. It is how he stitched me together while I was
still being formed. It is the very
fabric that I feel my daughter looks for when she looks deeply into my
eyes. How simple and beautiful is the
mind of a little baby. As simple as it
is, she seems to find the complex answers inside of me. Any parent that has experienced this bonding
moment with their own children, may agree. There is something deeper going
on. A search for security, strength, and
assurance that we (as parents) are going to give them the best of us that we
can. When my little girl finally shows
that big, happy grin it is as if she is saying, “There! I found it inside you, Daddy!” I feel that, in some way, she knows how I
will be as a parent better than I know, myself.
What an amazing feeling of assurance that it gives me!
The
trail of life that I am traveling, has changed in the challenges that lie
ahead. God continues to provide all the
supplies, knowledge, and expertise I need to face these challenges of
parenthood that are in my (and my wife’s) future. I don’t know how every challenge will be met,
or what the results will be; though God does.
I do know that I look forward to every step that lies ahead! How wonderfully mysterious God can be,
utilizing my little baby to inspire me to venture forward into the unknown, to
take on whatever God has prepared for me.
I ask God to continue to guide me, that I may be able to lead my family
with the confidence and wisdom that He expects out of me...and that He had already created in me.
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